Photography by Shadi Garman
This picture makes me laugh so hard. This is truly an image that encapsulates the experience and whirlwind of being a Mom. You’re so deliriously happy, but also surrounded by toys that you constantly step on, your hair is in a messy bun and hasn’t been washed in too many days, and you’re exhausted. You guys, I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a Mom, but why does no one tell you how crazy hard it is?! Maybe people DID tell me how crazy motherhood is, I just couldn’t begin to comprehend how crazy since I was so used to being only concerned with myself!? Anyways, I wouldn’t change my life with my delicious girl for anything, but I want to be real and share some of my funny Motherhood thoughts and feelings in one place. This will be sort of a mish-mosh of thoughts so bare with me. I hope you all enjoy!
- Being a Mom is HARD. Yea, yea…you are all rolling your eyes. I mean, I knew it was going to be hard before I had my daughter, but I had no capacity of understanding JUST how hard. Being a Mom is hard physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Becoming a parent rocks you to your core. All of a sudden, after carrying this little baby you can only sort of imagine, it arrives and you are OBSESSED with them. I remember when Charlee was born, the need to care for her was immediate. I felt this overwhelming need to make sure she was OK. I checked to see if she was breathing every other minute, over-changed her diaper because I was scared about diaper rash, and basically decided in one millisecond that everything I did would now revolve around my child. Obviously, the scary terrifying experience of being a new parent has since worn off. It sometimes creeps up but I have done work in therapy to control it. (You can read more about that here) That said, no matter what, the need to care for Charlee and ensure what we do is what’s best for her will last forever!
- Balancing it all is impossible. I think the most common conversation I share with my Mom friends is about how to balance it all. What I have found to be the most comforting is when I am able to connect with a Mom who agrees that it’s OK to not have it all together. I feel like I am constantly behind on something. If the laundry is done, the dishes aren’t clean, etc. etc. Something is always sort of falling through the cracks. I have since learned to truly embrace the chaos and it helps! I try to not be so hard on myself.
- To work or not to work? Oh man, I struggled with this. I thought for sure I wanted to go back to work full time after having my daughter. Well guess what, I did…and it was SO HARD. I constantly felt like I was falling short in the work department and in the Mom department, and I was just stretched too thin. I now work part-time and I feel like it’s the best situation for me and the family. I think no matter what you have to give up something as a parent. Whether you work full time or not! It’s so hard to make these choices but no matter what choice you make, as long as it is right for your family, it’s the right choice.
- Nothing stays nice for very long. That sweater I bought yesterday…it already has an avocado smear stain on the sleeve from Charlee grabbing me. As much as I have had to embrace the chaos, I have also had to embrace the mess! We don’t buy expensive furniture or fancy things that we don’t want anyone touching because guess what, CHARLEE TOUCHES EVERYTHING! I found her dipping her bear in the toilet yesterday when I turned my back for one second. It’s crazy guys!
- I will never have enough space. For. everything. This may be a New Yorker thing, but I am always running out of room to house things. I am also the kind of person that needs every thing to have a home or else it doesn’t get put away. I have systems set in place for myself because I am naturally not a neat person. It takes a lot of effort on my part. My home is neat, but it ain’t easy!! Having a child you accumulate so many things. I am also super sentimental and find myself wanting to keep little outfits, shoes, art projects etc. and sadly there just isn’t enough room for it all.
- Mom friends are my heroes. Since college, I have had a super tight knit group of girlfriends. They are amazing and supportive and wonderful. Some are from college and some are from my time in NY but they are all amazing. The only thing is that a lot of my close girlfriends aren’t mothers yet. In order to not overwhelm them with baby stuff that they simply don’t understand and probably don’t care to hear about, I developed a separate group of Mom friends. These women and I may or may not have been friends if we had met without the connection of having a child, and some have been friends and found an even closer bond because of motherhood! All of that said, my Mom friends have become my lifeline! Mom friends are there 100% and understand what the crazy looks like because they are living it too. I can go to my Mom friends for advice on what car seat to buy or to just vent about how I smeared poop on my forehead and didn’t realize until 30 minutes later after trying to find where the smell was coming from…not that that happened or anything lol!
- I miss my spouse. Don’t get me wrong, I see my husband every day after work and we have date night every weekend. That said, there are moments I really miss him even when we are together! Things naturally become centered around your child and it’s important to take time for each other and be present together. There are moments I look fondly back on the time when it was just the two of us if I am being perfectly honest. Not that I would change our life for the world! It’s just that the dynamic changed, and it is much more of an effort to be present with only each other. That’s why we try and plan at least a date night a week and a weekend away just us every 6 months. It really helps!
- I never knew a love like this-You guys…I love my Charlee so much. It’s honestly impossible to put into words. She is the best part of my every day and the love I feel for her transcends to the stars. I didn’t know just how much I couldn’t live my life without her! How did we not know what we were missing before she came into our family? Becoming parents is amazing and the love you have for these kiddos makes all the insanity worth it. I also love being a family of three. There is nothing more incredible than spending time together.
I hope you guys enjoyed my random thoughts today! I would love to hear some of your thoughts on Motherhood in the comments!
xoxo-J